Workplace Harmony: How Understanding Our Own and Others’ Egos Can Help Us Get Along and Get Results
Most people complain that it’s not the technical, hands-on day-to-day work that wears them down, but dealing with difficult colleagues, customers, and clients that creates tension and tiredness.
While all of us can be difficult at times, and none of us are difficult all the time, there are certain negative behaviors that are all too familiar in the office environment. Competing, interrupting, boasting, condescending, hoarding, lying, gossiping, and blaming are just a few examples.
Although we may consider ourselves ‘nice’ people, we are all guilty of falling into these behaviors or milder versions of them. In a single business meeting, we may observe several of these behaviors, even from the ‘leader’ or ‘boss.’ It’s no wonder we sometimes leave meetings wondering why it takes so long to make decisions or why we seem to go in circles. training courses
Why Do Good People Behave Badly?
What makes reasonably nice, and nicely reasonable people behave in these unhelpful ways? Most of us are too caught up in getting things done to observe what’s happening inside ourselves when we interact with others. Many of us can recall the tension we feel when a new idea is criticized or when a colleague is praised for something that was originally ours. Our adrenaline spikes, our voice may rise, and our body tells us we are under attack.
Good people behave badly not because they are morally flawed but because of fear. This fear, often better understood as insecurity, stems from our ego. Even people who seem confident usually have insecurities deep down. Most people want to be accepted, valued, and liked. These insecurities can drive negative behaviors in the workplace.
Identifying and Managing the Ego
Ego often leads us to identify with things that are ultimately not ours to keep, such as our position, reputation, or even our ideas. When someone challenges these things, we may feel threatened and behave irrationally to protect our self-image.
For example, when a team is criticized, a manager may begin defending the team or shifting blame rather than engaging in a constructive conversation. This defensiveness often stems from identifying too closely with the team’s success or failure, taking criticism personally.
However, if we can put our egos aside and dis-identify with the external things—like our team’s success or failure—we can approach the situation with openness and humility. Instead of defending our image, we can focus on solutions and improving outcomes.
The Ripple Effect of Humility in the Workplace
Recognizing and managing our own egos not only helps us stay calm and focused, but it also influences others. A humble, egoless attitude often encourages others to set aside their own egos and work together more harmoniously. This positive shift can improve team dynamics and lead to better results for both employees and customers.
The key isn’t to “fix” others but to observe our internal reactions and notice when fear or insecurity is influencing our behavior. By doing so, we can reduce negative, ego-driven behaviors and foster a more collaborative, respectful, and productive workplace environment.
